Thursday, November 10, 2005

Tiruvalampozhil - II

Reposting with corrections thanks to Padmasani


ஆலம்பொழிலினிலே ஆத்தோர சோலையிலே
மாலைப் பொழுதினிலே மனசெல்லாம் மயங்கையிலே
பாலோடு தேன் போலே பக்கத்தில் நீயிருக்க
காலம் மறக்குதடி கள்ளெல்லாம் ஊறுதடி


வானஞ் சிவக்குதடி வயக்காடு சிரிக்குதடி
சாணம் போட்ட மாடு ஒன்னு சந்தினிலே சுத்துதடி
கானம் ஒண்ணு நான் பாட கூத்தொண்ணு நீயாட
ஞானம் பொறக்குமடி நல்லதெல்லம் நடக்குமடி

பொன்னியவ கோயிலிலே பொங்கவச்சு பாட்டெடுத்து
கன்னி நீ கையசச்சா கனவெல்லாம் தோணுதடி
பின்னி இழுக்குதடி பம்பரமா உன் கண்ணு
எண்ணி எண்ணி என்மனசு ஏங்கித்தான் போகுதடி


வீட்டிலே விளக்கு வச்சு வீதியிலே கோலம் வச்சு
பாட்டிலே மனசு வச்சு பச்சகிளி உன்ன வச்சு
ஏட்டிலெ ழுதாம வச்சு எனக்குள்ள பத்திரமா
பூட்டி புதச்சு வச்சா பூபூவா பூக்குதடி


மாட்டு வண்டியில மயிலு நீ வாரையிலே
ரோட்டில தான் என் மனசு ராட்டினமா சுத்துதடி
காட்டுக் களத்தினிலே களையெடுக்க நீ போனா
காத்து வந்து வீசியே உன் கண்டாங்கி மயக்குதடி


மேகம் கருக்குதடி மல்லியப்பூ பூக்குதடி
மோகம் தான் மூளுதடி மாமன் பெத்த மரகதமே
தாகம் எடுக்குதடி தண்ணியூத்த நீ வந்தா
சோகம் குறையுமடி சொகமாத் தான் இருக்குமடி

To be continued

14 comments:

Parvati said...

@Sriram: I like it a lot! I somehow do not see anything needing a change. But I feel painfully inadequate when it comes to judging tamil poetry except to say that I like it or not.

I like it. So -

padmasani said...

Sriram, for the first time. Ganesh told me this morning that you have done a song and that you told him that you had written the whole song keeping the rules of a song. I smiled when he said that 'Aunty chonna madirithan pottirukken'.

Its not what aunty says Sriram, its what the poetic norms expect.

I am highlty critical with people from whom I expect better things because they are cabable of better things.

One who can not see the sense in healthy criticism cannot grow.

This song indeed is very good except for the corrections that I told you just now. This is applicable to almost all Indian languages.

The Yati and Prasa in a Paada is the first rule. The metrical homogenity is the second. Accommodation of the words should have a concurrence called alabedai in tamil.

A good folk tune on a remix bgm idu oru kalakku kalakkidum.

I beginning to feel proud of your zeal.

padmasani said...

Sriram, you are very young. Just in your early twenties. In a person's life the early teens is important as they are the formative years in your growth as an adult. Similarly between 20 and 25, again it is critically important in establishing your identity. This is the time a grown up man or a woman establish their identity and gain respect. So your thought force, moves and actions should have a streamline.

In the whole journey, only a satvik person achieve a lot of things.

Kadal inidu virasam kodidu, verukkattakkadu. Kadal anbal niraindadu. Virasam nirambiya manadil anbirko kadalukko idamiruppadillai. Adu vakkiramana ennangalin velippadaga, vakkiramana seyalgalin thoondukolaga marividum abhayam niraindadu.

And there is a thin line between these two. At your age it is rope walking. When you really stabilise your thoughts you will understand this difference.

Some people are naturally endowed with this balance in choice and action, for some it happens out of guidance.

Anyway concentrate more on the things that we discussed two days back.

Chinmayi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anupama Viswanathan said...

hey ..really nice one!
reminded me of one of illayaraja's compositions - "Megam karukayile pulla dhegam kulirudhadi.." :)..

Sriram C S said...

@Parvati - Glad to know you liked it!! :)
@Padmasani - Lovely and usefull comments! Really, let me not say anything further. (BTW, some changes in the entire BLOG have been made!! :) )
@Anu - That's nice. I was reminded of megam karukkuthu mazai vara paakkuthu. Which film is the song that you say?

Anonymous said...

Thiruvalampholilane good job. Going in the right direction. Guess who? :)

Padmasani said...

Sriram, You have highlighted the corrections with a different colour.

Second stanza lines are still not corrected for mooNu suzhi Na on ChANam and oNNu. They are still in rendusuzhi.

The last line of fifth stanza, kaNdangi selai, has got metrical problem.

Kathu vandu veesiya un kandangi mayakkudadi
or
kathuveesi parakkum undan kandangi mayakkudai

or anything else to fit in the meter.

Feel like tuning and singing also. :)

The blog wears a complete tamizhmaNam now. :)

Girl Interrupted said...

too bad I cant read tamil :(...btw what happened to ur old posts????

Viji said...

Sriram-"Megam karukayile pulla dhegam kulirudhadi..." is a very popular number from "Vaidehi kathirundhal"

Padmasani said...

chanam potta maadu onnu should be corrected as chaaNam potta maadu oNNu and thoNudadi and not thonudadi

Subha said...

Sriram,
Nice pictures. They capture the essence of south India..of course, nice poetry too..:)

Sriram C S said...

Subha - nandri hai! :-)

Padmasani said...

Still there are two corrections on the same rendusuzhi Na. ONNu not onnu. RattiNam not rattinam. Thanks for correcting the rest. Tamizh pora pokku romba kashtama irukku adunala than chinnado peruso ellathaiyum chollama irukka mudiyallai.